The Little Monsters

I am sure you are familiar with the little monsters we all face. I'll call them 'little' because they usually end up affecting our day-to-day life...
I imagine them sitting on my left shoulder and whispering (not so heart warming) thoughts in my ear.
This is also yet another reason to call them 'little', coz otherwise you'll start walking funnily if you imagine a huge monster landing on your left shoulder :P (a pathetic joke...agreed :-P)
The best way to fight them is to notice them, recognize them for who they are...acknowledge them, brush them off...and then shrug as if nothing's the matter at all!

The little blue monster with its drooping face, and a smile that looks at you as if you are the most utterly helpless creature in this world.
Its big round eyes shine like a mirror and seem to say, "Look at you, you poor old dear...why do only you have to suffer..?"
*Sigh*'
You know what its called?
Self pity.
Sometimes it comes disguised as 'Sadness', but you'll find that mostly, it is indeed self pity masking itself.
Its dangerous.
It gnaws at your heart, makes you weak and feel 'oh-so-helpless'.
It brings tears more easily than any other thing...and takes you on a thankless, never ending journey in the sea of woe, on a shabby boat titled 'Pity' in big bold lettering.
Look at it in the eye, give it your 'sunniest-ever' smile and shove it away with a brush of your arm.

The monsterly red creature with devilish horns, wielding a spear, that sends fiery sparks into your head and you can't think straight.
All you want is to destroy/hurt the thing/person who's provoked you (no matter how small a reason).
All sense seems to leave you, and you often end up hurting the people you love.
There's a name for it. Anger. Hatred.
And Regret/Remorse is the best friend of this little red devil, who often follows in its footsteps to enjoy the aftermath.
Send off the red devil with cool, calm, firm blows (the kind you use on those magic birthday candles that glow up every time you blow them off) and watch it melt away.

The orange, plump (actually cute looking) dwarf who lands on your shoulder and doesn't seem to leave you alone...who pesters you and waves a huge post-it in front of you all day long, to remind you of 'what you didn't do' or 'what you did do', every time you go about your day-to-day work.
Who drives away peace of mind and is the worst enemy of your self worth.
It's better known in our world as Guilt. Remorse.
Trap it as soon as you sense it landing on your (left) shoulder.
Although, do read and 'act' on its post-it note. Its never too late :)

This one needs no introduction. Its Green. Its familiar. And is thought to be an oft visiting one (or so everyone says) and yet, no one claims familiarity with it.
It makes the grass always look greener on the other side. (Needless to say, it hides the "other side's" sky high water bill too) :P
Yeah, you guessed it right.
Jealousy. Envy.
Hmm...just remind yourself of your 'decent', 'managable' water bill and your garden will start looking much greener ;)
This monster tends to leave by itself if you just ignore it. Don't pay any heed to its taunts. Act as if its not there.
And it goes away from the lack of your attention. Whoosh!

Another "red family" colour monster comes most times by invitation. i.e by our own doing or mindset.
It paralyses.
You go absolutely numb.
Fingers cold. Toes as stiff as icicles. And the forehead as hot as burning coals.
Fear.
Way to fight it? Acknowledge it, give it a warm welcome, and watch it lose its power as soon as it realizes you have recognized it and are ready to tackle it.
Yes, easy to preach. Really difficult to practice.

The black monster. Its weapon is smoke. It silently comes and puts a hood of thick big black smoke around you...
Your vision blurs. Your senses go numb.
All you can see is what the monster wants you to see.
Black.
Pitch black.
Depression.
You need a lot of willpower to remove the hood and shove off the monster with all your strength.
Then it vanishes and the sun shines through.

There's yet another li'l monster, although people often get confused whether to call it an Angel or a Monster. ;)
This monster is extremely good looking, and with purple robes and a golden crown to boot; it has the attitude of a king. And it makes you feel like you own the world too!
Ah, Ego.
Entertain this one too much and it will surely get in the mood to partyyy away. It then becomes a most generous host and invites all its friends - Jealousy, Anger, Hate and Fear - to party at your expense - literally! :-|
And if you don't entertain this one at all, it will still call its friends - Self Pity and Depression to party (again) at your expense!!
Beware of this one, that's all I can say, coz I struggle to keep too little, or too much of this one on my left shoulder :-|

There's another one. Probably less scarier than the others, but equally dangerous.
And I can already see it just trying to land on my shoulder, because I can't seem to think of a colour for it...and suddenly am thinking of ending this blog post right here.
It ventures around people who look 'busy doing nothing'.
Hah! Laziness.
It also often drags along its best friend too - Boredom.
You can never say who visits first. :P
Want to drive it mad? Go get something done.
It dares not venture around people who are busy 'doing something' (meaningful, if you might)

I think I barely managed to drive off the last mentioned monster.

However, an angel called Sleep beckons me now and I would really love to go along and drift off in lands far away, dream onn...and may be fight some monsters of my own ;-)

Happy Monster Fighting to you! :)

Adios.

Random Thought #79

"When life shows you the worst, even the bad starts to seem 'good enough'..." #original

PS: A series of original random thoughts that are concise...or may be I am just too lazy to follow up with longer text...

Turning 27!!

A list of random thoughts on 'turning 27'

1. "How old would you be if you didn't know how old you were?", read my friend N's gtalk status, and although (obviously) an answer wasn't expected, I couldn't help replying...
"I would be five...five is an awesome age...you are just about to begin to try and understand the world around you, learning new words, and everything seems awesomely new to that ever-so-curious mind of yours :)"
"But then..." I typed, "on second thoughts, my brother wouldn't be born till I was six, and life wouldn't be as much fun without having a younger brother to bully! :P Also, add a few years for him to grow up just a li'l bit...so, eight!! I would be eight..."
And my equally crazy friend didn't laugh it off, but came up with this limerick,
"Can't wait to be again eight
to rewrite fate
on a new clean slate" ;) :P B-)
Awesome, ain't it? ;)

2. Was talking to my brother yesterday, and suddenly I realized that I would be "turning 27", umm...or was it "turning 28", coz I 'completed' 27? :-P
With a sigh of relief, I realized "turning 27" it is, and "turning 28" will have to wait another year :D ;-)

3. Insignificant and subtle changes, like for example, I would now have to deal with multiple auto-complete values of age, 26 as well as 27, while booking my irctc tickets, which is an activity I do quite often (for a while, at least till I clear my browser's cache/cookies) :P
And I was already thinking of "being 27" a few weeks back, coz when I booked tickets for Sept in the beginning of the month, I did put 27. #being politically correct...

4. There are just 3 years left before turning 30...which reminds me I have to make complete my "30 before 30" list - the list of thirty things to do before I turn thirty...:P
It's something that's been on my mind since quite some time now...have become a list-o-phile of late...;-)

Photo Credit : My very own pro photographer HC :)

5. The one thing that I am realizing since some days is that many things we sweat about, aren't really worth a dime of worry.
A completely random point, but then I never promised a logic to this list!

6. I am sure I'll be having a good laugh looking at this list some years down the line, or may be even some months down the line! ;-) Coz I have this uncanny feeling of #growingup...the views/thoughts I had about a year back are (sometimes) completely different from my most recent views/thoughts...sounds scary...yes, even to me...but isn't it all about #change? I wonder...

7. Being independent is an awesome feeling. As long as you keep the 'being responsible' part of it intact, life's good. Really good. :)

8. I intended the list to span atleast 27 bullets. #list-o-phile@work :P
I am not even halfway through the list...and I'm feeling exhausted, and sleepy after a long day...And since I already said "I would be eight...", I'd rather stop at 8 bullets...:-D :-P

My friend Sancho

As I walked into my room the other day, I saw Sancho sitting in the corner. And although it had been quite some time since I last saw Sancho, I really shouldn't have been surprised - given his habit of showing up in my room at odd times - when he's least expected (and least wanted as well!)

Seeing him there that day took me back to H11 A#70 where I first made friends with Sancho.
I had just shifted to a swanky new single room at the hostel, had decided the where the bed, the cupboard and the table should go, had arranged all my belongings neatly (:)) and was just settling down to admire my new room, when I first heard his voice and then saw Sancho.

My first reaction was disgust. Then anger - at having to share my new room with Sancho. But there was nothing much I could do.
Although Sancho and I never could get along from day one, we had this unsaid, unwritten treaty of having our own ends of the room. And we both respected that treaty...I never ventured near Sancho's part of the room - from the window to the cupboard (Well, at least never went there whenever I knew Sancho was around) and always ensured I came back to my part of the room as soon as (as soon as was humanly possible ) I had fetched whatever I wanted from the cupboard :-|
To his credit, Sancho never tried to encroach my end of the room either - from the door to the bed.

After a lot of initial disgust and (futile) attempts to reclaim my room, I gave up and resigned myself to the fact that I better accept Sancho's presence.

Slowly, I came to depend on Sancho's (always) being there.
Late nights - when I was up fighting with some algo problem - Sancho was there. Sancho kept me company as I struggled to make sense of the innumerable symbols jotted down in my machine learning notes. When I used to come back from my lab after a night of squashing code bugs and still lie awake from anxiety of the unresolved bugs, Sancho used to be there - he knew the joy and pain of squashing bugs too.

I never realised when I started taking his presence for granted...until one day, (although I can't recollect exactly when) Sancho was no longer to be seen. He stopped visiting.
I took a few days to realize Sancho was missing, because I thought he'll obviously come back soon enough.

But my friend Sancho never came back - at least not until I was at H11A#70.

So imagine my surprise when I saw Sancho again, after almost two years, at my room in Pune - sitting in the corner - just like old times!

I didn't question Sancho regarding his whereabouts nor did Sancho ask me how I was doing...It was like when old friends meet after a long time - you don't question, you don't explain, you just start back together from where you had left off...
This was what happened - only this time I didn't want Sancho to stay for long...

Oh, btw, I really should have posted a pic of Sancho, but he's really really shy and doesn't like posing for pictures. So you will have to do with one of his pics I found on google (Yeah, my friend Sancho is quite famous you see :) )

PS: The post's title is dhapofied from the title of a book my friend M had. (It also had a pic of Sancho on its cover :) )
PPS: I really really hope Sancho doesn't take a liking to my new room and goes away real soon :P

Stack Overflow...Or not...

I had one of my #philosophical moments the other day.
There was just too much going on all of a sudden, and I felt like life was taking me on a super tizzying giant wheel, spinning away so fast that everything around was just a daze, and I could barely hold on and keep myself from falling off.
Round. Round. Round. Round it went...People, Events, Mishaps, Happenings, News, Celebrations, Facts, Hearsays, Snide Comments, Meetings, Petty Politics, Emails, and Yet more Events, People and Happenings. Whew!
It was pretty hard to keep a track of all that was on my mind...and I got around to being even more forgetful and confused than ever...:-|
This "stack" of things on my mind had really started getting the better of me.
Then I realized that the best way to deal with all of this "too much happening all at once" feeling is to deal with the topmost feeling in my head and sort it out. Simple. Call this.pop(). Deal with it. Do it till you feel a bit better. :)
Guess this is what most people usually do, knowingly or unknowingly...

while (_confused){
_dealwith = this.pop();
if (feeling_better)
break;
}
Note: This assumes that you will feel better before your mind stack gets empty and hence isn't included as the breaking condition :P

And I realized that more often than not, it's not that important workitem assigned to you, or your finance sheet, or that house hunt, or your health in general, or even your family troubles that actually bother you.
When you do call this.pop(), you'll realise that the topmost item bothering you is usually made of much much smaller (and dealable) stuff - the status email@work you have been meaning to send to your mentor, the electricity bill due in a few days, the property ad on sulekha you have been planning to long reply to, the neck pain you have long been ignoring, the visit to your granny you had planned for last week and postponed...the disarray on your workdesk, the umbrella that needs oiling, the gift voucher you won and never en-cashed because you couldn't decide which book on your wishlist to buy, the haircut you've postponed since eternity, that call from your friend you missed and then completely forgot to call back, the birthdays of near and dear ones, the new backpack you promised you'll get your maid for her kid's new school term, the refund from your cancelled ticket you never got and need to follow up with the booking agent, the trip you've always been planning, the blog posts that merely sit as idea bullets in your evernote list...I could go on and on and on...but you get the point...:)
So, without meaning to sound preachy, just call this.pop() and resolve the thing that's bothering you the most.
Take a bet, it'll be easier than you think ;-)

...And thus ends my feverish 'filosofical' bout.

Prejudices!

Some days back, I don't remember how exactly, but I came across the line,

"Prejudices are also cages, very subtle and self created. First we create them, then becoming imprisoned in them, we lose all capacity to fly in the open sky of truth..."

and it brought back memories of a rainy Sunday afternoon, guess I was in the 3rd or 4th standard, and a handwriting competition in a distant school I had attended.

My favorite green and gold 'China' pen. A single sheet of paper to write on, one that you aren't suppose to smudge and the wooden benches in an alien school. They had given a printed sheet of Osho's para that we were supposed to copy in the best handwriting. (Ah, good old days!) :D

And I distinctly remember not understanding much of it, especially the word 'prejudice'. I had read the para over and over, never quite understanding the crux, so much so that the above lines somehow are still written indelibly in my mind (perhaps with the same green China pen too). The lines came flooding back to memory the moment I read it somewhere, some days ago.

Back then, I was trying to mull over how 'prejudice' (an alien word to me then) and a bird in a cage could be related, but it confounded my eight year old self.

I also remember having stashed that sheet of paper somewhere in my drawer for safekeeping. (I still have it somewhere, but it's easier finding stuff on google (this is the link) than delving in my old cupboard) :-P ;-)

Here goes :
"While returning from my morning walk, I saw a bird in a cage. It reminded me of people imprisoned in prejudices.

Prejudices are also cages, very subtle and self created. First we create them, then becoming imprisoned in them, we lose all capacity to fly in the open sky of truth.

And just now I see a kite flying in the sky. What freedom, what a liberation in its flights! One is a bird in a cage, the other a bird in flight in the open sky, symbolic of two different states of mind.

Those who are liberated, fly in the sky of truth, but neither are any footprints left behind, nor is any path created... there is no readymade path, everybody has to create his own path to truth..."
~Osho

Amen to that.

Dream(s)

You paint a dream.
Vivid. Colourful. Lively.
You use up all the patterns and techniques you've learnt. You put in the hues you've thought up till now. You practice it over and over.
Till its near perfect. Almost. Perfect.
You put in all of your heart in it. All of your mind. All of your soul. Till it becomes almost synonymous with you. Your existence. Your breath. The boundaries between your dream and your self blur.
It is a work of a lifetime. A dream of a lifetime.

Shiny. Sparkling. Fragile.
It shatters.

What do you do?
You dream another dream.
Equally vivid. Equally close to your soul. Equally 'you'.

Its OK to fail after you have tried all you could. Because you can always try again. Failure is not fatal. So long as you are true to yourself and know that you tried your best.

PS: This post is the result of a late night show of the movie "Bombay Talkies". ;-)
I especially loved the last story in it, and this post an interpretation of that last story.

Its a story where a father teaches his son the 'importance' of failure, the fact that sometimes however truly you might try, there are chances you might fail.

An awesome awesome story. Awesome lyrics (सब्र की मीठी चाशनी में भिगो के, वक़्त खड़ा है मर्तबान में ले के...) Awesomely scripted. Awesomely shot. Loved it!